Split Identity Syndrome

I had a revelation the other day while I was reading "Captivating" by Staci Eldridge. Well, it should have just been a reminder but I'm afraid it was a slap back to reality if I'm honest. "My identity as a mother is not dependent on my children. My identity as a wife is not dependent on my husband. My identity is in God. I am a reflection of Him." I was instantly challenged and I have been pondering this ever since. Asking myself things like:

Do I find my true indentity in God or do I rely on my husband and my boys to provide it?

Do I put too much pressure on them?

Do I depend on them for what they were never created to give me?

My heart's desire is for God. To be who he created me to be and to find favor in his eyes. But if I'm honest, I find it easier to rely on my husband and boys for instant security and gratification as a wife and mother than it is to press in and wait on God at times. But that's too much pressure for anyone to live under. It's not fair of me to rely on them for happiness or self worth. And in my head I know that, but my actions don't always show it.

The lie is subtle at times, but in the back of my head I think "if my kids are well behaved everyone will know I'm a really good mom". I consider it an accomplishment when I can make it through a trip to Wal Mart with no crying or temper tantrums. I avoid the candy isle like a plague, probably forget a few important things and don't stop to talk to anyone because I don't want to risk the "good kid" image expiring. And why? Because I don't want to be "that mom" whos kids are in her cart screaming so loud that the people in the automotive department on the other end of the store are talking about me. It's an embarrasment. And in reality, it a deep fear. A fear that I will become the mom that I don't respect.

Am I saying that we shouldn't want our kids to behave? Absolutely not! I am just pointing out that if they don't, or if they are having a rough day, it's not a character slam or a "bad mommy" grade. We have to learn to parent with mercy. We have to teach them how to act, respect, forgive, apologize, love and play by how we act. If they see it, they will do it. We have to be the image of Christ so they can see that he is who they need to imitate. As we become more like him it gives them permission to follow our lead. We will stumble, we will slip and so will they. The greatest thing we can show our kids can see is how to repent and get back on track. Even if they don't completely understand the situation or circumstances they will begin to learn respect as we humble ourselves. My dad says "if I can't show that I'm a man of God by my actions, I will show it in the way I repent". I've come to respect him for that.

In closing: Is there anything wrong with thinking you're a good wife or mother? No. In fact, we need to believe that we are good at what we do. There is nothing more beautiful to me than confidence! But what is our motivating factor? Is it because we want well behaved kids so we don't look bad or because we are fulfilling our call as a mother and we are responsible for training the children God gives us?

"Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart" (PS 37:4). The Lord knows that we desire to be beautiful, secure and confident in ourselves and in our families. There is nothing wrong with that. We just have to make sure that we are finding our identity in him.

Ponder this: Am I finding my identity in the Lord today?